Stress and your milk supply the never ending battle...

SO many times I have walked into a NICU room to talk to a mom about her LOW milk supply. I look behind her to see a small fragile baby fighting for their life. I look at the mother who is calm and concerned but does not put the two together. Sick baby= low milk supply. Why is this? Stress of course. Cortisol levels raising and constricting the milk from flowing well. I will go through the past few weeks with her: How often do you pump? What type of pump? When did you see you supply drop? Usually the answers are every 3-4hrs, during the day only...Double electric hospital grade..it just seemed to keep going down and down. I then start to talk to her about how to relax and how to bring the milk supply up. I then look her in the eye and say " this is hard, having a baby in the NICU, away from you." This is usually when the real emotions that are keeping her milk supply at bay show up. She may become teary eyed or just cry all together. Either way I think it helps to release those emotions. IF they work on their pumping and relaxation they can bring it back up.
 So how do I counteract my stress? HMMMM... do I follow what I say? Do I release my emotions? go for a run? watch a funny movie? eat comfort foods? get a massage? Of course not. Where is my Lactation Consultant that is going to help me get through a rough patch. This is very odd thing for me. I am the one who has all the answers to these questions and yet here I sit very stressed out, knowing that it is effecting my milk supply and I do nothing.
I can only say that I do have peace of mind that I know how to bring up my milk supply if it does fall too drastically, so I guess I am just waiting for it too happen. I SHOULD do extra pumping after feeds and make sure I am hydrated. SHOULD being the most important word in that sentence.
So I WILL do a few extra pumps a day and take walk and relax. After all I am only 3.5 months into a 2 year breastfeeding journey. My daughter WILL exclusively breastfeed, so I have no other options. SO I better stop typing and get pumping!!!

As the saying goes.. Don't cry over spilled milk

 So the battle between me and my pump has begun. I have now been pumping for a month at work and I went from 26 oz a day to 18 oz. does she need 26 oz a day? No... Her mama does. For my peace of mind I would like to pump as much a possible, but I can't. This is something that I have to let go of. I need to be able to be happy with what I am getting, because she doesn't need more than that. I need to not be upset when I come home to bottles with 1 or 2 oz left in them. She is a healthy growing girl and  on my days off she breast feeds perfectly.  We have had lots of fun with our two kids out and about. Going out

 is a breeze with my breast and a sling. She is happy to feed anywhere and seems to nap better on dads flat chest than my .. Well unflat chest. We r in the midst of moving and a month from today we will be somewhere else. A move is always a stressful time, I try not to let it get to me, for the sake of my milk supply.

 

Eye on the Supply

So now that I have been pumping ALOT, I have a visual on my breast milk. Some days I pump out 25 oz somedays 18oz. This makes me want to panic, but I won't . Well, maybe I won't. It's hard not to think that I might be making less than I should or that she may someday run out. But my personal lactation consultant ( me) tells me that I am fine and stop thinking about it. My little princess is fine at the breast and is always satisfied. Now I need to teach husband that every drop I pump is important. Last night I came home and he had started feeding her. 5oz bottle! Of which she only took two oz!!! So were did that three oz. go? Down the drain!! I am beginning to see why women call it a milk stash. It is to be kept preserved and perfect and only touched when needed. So after a quick late night lesson on my milk supply I think my husband is on board.  But I will keep you posted

               My "stash"❤😋                         

Back to the Daily Grind

Well my summer of bliss has ended. I have been back to work for two weeks. I did shed a few tears leaving my little girl in the hands of our babysitter, but what is a working women to do.  I was prepared. I had about 60 oz in the freezer, and I really only pumped once a day for about 5 weeks. I was a good working mom, I made all her bottles ready to go. I made five four ounce bottles!!! That was definitely overkill!! She only drank three bottles, and only three ounces out of them.  Even with all my knowledge my momma brain tends to trump my knowledge on the subject. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I've have Pediatricians ask me why their 6 month old babies want to breastfeed so much. I have to ask them if they have started giving them food. The answer was no surprisingly ..." add food" I would say.  I would think " wow, how did she not know that?" Now I know.. she was thinking  with her mom brain. Mom brains are always the best brains to think with, its important to use your instincts. Well I know that a exclusively breastfed baby isn't going to take more than three oz at a feed especially at 10weeks, but I still made all those bottles. OWELL :)
So adding REAL pumping to the day is ALOT of work! I am not going to lie, sitting at home and breastfeeding is so much easier than any other form of feeding, but that's just my humble opinion. I pump about 20-25 oz in 12 hrs. Even though I am good with pumping, I still have a little voice in the back of my head saying "what if you run out!!!!!!!" I wonder if that "Mother Guilt" will ever be silenced? I was able to stay home with my son for 15 months and I remember thinking " should I be working?" Maybe I'll never be happy with my work choices, but I do find comfort in the fact that my little one is only breast milk fed. I like to think that even though I am not the one always feeding her, she remembers me when she drinks her breast milk.
Being back at work, does remind me of how much I love to teach breastfeeding education and help moms latch their new little ones. I now have a very fresh memory of those sore nipples and the burning pain of a c-section. I think I'm a little more delicate with the moms now.
My husband has been in charge of the kids from 3:30-10:00pm  while I am at work, and has done such a wonderful job. This is all new to him, and he has been fantastic. When I think of how much work the two of us have to put into these two kids, it really does make me realize how lucky I am.  He loves taking care of our kids and putting the baby to sleep. If I could lend him out to all those single moms out their I would. Those are the moms that should right books on how to jungle work and kids. Whatever their secrets are, we should all be doing.
So, so far so good. We have many many weeks and months to go, but I'm making it so far.

Back to work I Go!

Well after weeks and weeks of pure bliss, reality has reared its ugly head. Tomorrow I join the workforce once again. Am I happy? No..not at all. I love my job and I'm sure once I get there I will be happy to do what I love, but I will be thinking all day about my little girl. I haven't been away from her for more than a hour since her birth and to put many miles and hours between us is not going to make working easy. That is why if you are able to stay home, DO IT!!! who cares about being a superwomen who does it all!! It's less full filling I guarantee.
BUT, I am ready technically. I have a awesome baby sitter. She took care of my son and now will be taking 50% of my daughters care..well maybe 30% another 30% going to my husband who will have to do the B-shift of care until I get home. Looking back I really should of made him do more. O well he will learn on the job.  Breast milk? I have about 70oz ready to go. That was from pumping once a day for the past 30-40days. So if you want more, I encourage more pumps a day, but SOOOO much work, why do that?  If you are going to pump at work? Diapers? check: Extra clothes? check: bottles? check.
My one thing that I have been going back and forth on is the pacifier. On one hand I do not want her to be stressed out away from us and have no way to soothe herself. On the other, my dad is a Dentist and may flip out if he finds out I am using one. We have tried it a few times, and she reluctantly sucks on it. If she wants it, its there, if not, she seems to like to suck on her fingers.
SO... I am making 5 bottles at 4oz each..she doesn't seem to eat that much, but I don't want her to starve and if she doesn't eat it all that's fine. I know my supply is in my breasts, and as long as I have that I am good.
Here comes the real work..pumping and working. We will see how I deal with it. I know I will never supplement with Formula, but I am wondering if I freak out like the mothers I speak too, or will I coast through the next two years. Time will tell... I will keep you posted.

The Hardest Three Months of My Life

Today is my first Born's birthday. He is eight!!! Happy Birthday Son.
As I do every year I think about that first day, and the first three months of his life. That's because the first 90days of being a mother was the worst! I had no idea what I was doing!! He cried all day unless I held him. So I would just sit planted on my couch holding him. I was not a LC yet so my knowledge on the subject of breastfeeding was pretty much at 0. In the first three days I was sure I wasn't giving him enough, I begged the nurse for a bottle, which they didn't give me until right before I left the hospital. They also didn't educate me on breastfeeding, which would of been more helpful. My nipples were so sore I was sure that breastfeeding was torture. I would hold my breath and watch the clock, counting down the seconds until I could take him off. I came from a family that breastfed, and my Aunt gave me many books on breastfeeding all of which I didn't read. The only thing that kept me going was that my best friend did it, and I figured if she could do it, I could do it. She talked about how great it felt when they would empty you and how easy it was. I had the opposite experience of course. I gave ALOT of formula and soy no less..which now I am dealing with his asthma and eczema both I believe came from the soy formula. Many, many times I wanted to stop, or at least have someone tell me to stop. That did not happen, everyone said to continue, I don't think anyone knew how much I hated it, but I felt like it was all over my face.
How did this person ever continue breastfeeding? Well, I have never thought anything in life was easy, I figured this was just another hardship of life, but more than that, this little beautiful baby LOVED IT! He loved breastfeeding :) He would sit there for hours cuddling and eating. He would play and laugh, he always wanted total silence while he ate and would always fall asleep while eating. So I continued.
When we reached three months things started to look brighter. He was stronger and would eat faster. I was coming out of my fog and started to enjoy the experience. I still had no idea what I was doing, but I did know that when I breastfed him, he was happy, and a happy baby makes a happy momma.
So when a mom tells me she doesn't think she can go on and its too hard, I think, wow she's only been doing this a few hours, I felt like that for three months! Does that make me a better person because I continued? No, I tend to be stubborn and giving up is not something I do easily. What it makes me is lucky. I am so grateful for my little man, who didn't like a pacifier or a bottle and who preferred to breastfeed. He made me a excellent LC who understands sore nipples, sleepless nights, self-doubt, and the appreciation of education on the subject.
So thank you to my son who made me the women I am today.
I Love You Forever and ever..

Enjoy your Maternity Leave from Day One!!

SO many times while I am working, I have new mothers, with 24hour old babies asking about pumping for work. I realize this may be their only chance to speak to a LC and they want to be prepared, but I fear that they never fully enjoy their short time away from work. I myself took 12 weeks off, I am half way through and could definitely take another 6 months off. Yesterday I was reminded that I have a job when I had to call in and figure out exactly when I was coming back. It was a little bothersome, but had to be done. So to all those new moms, enjoy every moment that you have when your home with your new little one. My new little girl is starting to smile at me and coo, she is bigger and going through her onsies pretty fast. We have seen as many movies as possible, and we just came back from a trip to the mountains. All of this we have enjoyed and breastfed through. The best part about being in the mountains is that we could sit outside on the deck of the Cabin we were in and breastfeed. Pumping I haven't been consistent on, but now that I am about 6 weeks away from going back to work, I am going to start being more diligent. My husband has enjoyed giving the baby a bottle of expressed milk when I go for my evening run. He felt that it was important for him to feed the baby as part of his bonding wtih her. As much as I didn't want to give that  up, she was already 5 weeks old, and again sooner than I would like she will be going to a baby sitter while I work. SO to all new moms who are concerned about work, chances are you are a good employee, other wise why would you worry, and your work will be patient wtih you and wait for you to come back with no issues. Most moms really don't have breastfeeding down until they are about to go back to work, which means it is very even more difficult to leave the home and go back to work. The moral of my story is, when preparing yourself for having your baby forget about work whether your taking four weeks or 12 weeks or half a year, cherish every day and every moment..and take pictures!!!