Today is my first Born's birthday. He is eight!!! Happy Birthday Son.
As I do every year I think about that first day, and the first three months of his life. That's because the first 90days of being a mother was the worst! I had no idea what I was doing!! He cried all day unless I held him. So I would just sit planted on my couch holding him. I was not a LC yet so my knowledge on the subject of breastfeeding was pretty much at 0. In the first three days I was sure I wasn't giving him enough, I begged the nurse for a bottle, which they didn't give me until right before I left the hospital. They also didn't educate me on breastfeeding, which would of been more helpful. My nipples were so sore I was sure that breastfeeding was torture. I would hold my breath and watch the clock, counting down the seconds until I could take him off. I came from a family that breastfed, and my Aunt gave me many books on breastfeeding all of which I didn't read. The only thing that kept me going was that my best friend did it, and I figured if she could do it, I could do it. She talked about how great it felt when they would empty you and how easy it was. I had the opposite experience of course. I gave ALOT of formula and soy no less..which now I am dealing with his asthma and eczema both I believe came from the soy formula. Many, many times I wanted to stop, or at least have someone tell me to stop. That did not happen, everyone said to continue, I don't think anyone knew how much I hated it, but I felt like it was all over my face.
How did this person ever continue breastfeeding? Well, I have never thought anything in life was easy, I figured this was just another hardship of life, but more than that, this little beautiful baby LOVED IT! He loved breastfeeding :) He would sit there for hours cuddling and eating. He would play and laugh, he always wanted total silence while he ate and would always fall asleep while eating. So I continued.
When we reached three months things started to look brighter. He was stronger and would eat faster. I was coming out of my fog and started to enjoy the experience. I still had no idea what I was doing, but I did know that when I breastfed him, he was happy, and a happy baby makes a happy momma.
So when a mom tells me she doesn't think she can go on and its too hard, I think, wow she's only been doing this a few hours, I felt like that for three months! Does that make me a better person because I continued? No, I tend to be stubborn and giving up is not something I do easily. What it makes me is lucky. I am so grateful for my little man, who didn't like a pacifier or a bottle and who preferred to breastfeed. He made me a excellent LC who understands sore nipples, sleepless nights, self-doubt, and the appreciation of education on the subject.
So thank you to my son who made me the women I am today.
I Love You Forever and ever..
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