The Hardest Three Months of My Life

Today is my first Born's birthday. He is eight!!! Happy Birthday Son.
As I do every year I think about that first day, and the first three months of his life. That's because the first 90days of being a mother was the worst! I had no idea what I was doing!! He cried all day unless I held him. So I would just sit planted on my couch holding him. I was not a LC yet so my knowledge on the subject of breastfeeding was pretty much at 0. In the first three days I was sure I wasn't giving him enough, I begged the nurse for a bottle, which they didn't give me until right before I left the hospital. They also didn't educate me on breastfeeding, which would of been more helpful. My nipples were so sore I was sure that breastfeeding was torture. I would hold my breath and watch the clock, counting down the seconds until I could take him off. I came from a family that breastfed, and my Aunt gave me many books on breastfeeding all of which I didn't read. The only thing that kept me going was that my best friend did it, and I figured if she could do it, I could do it. She talked about how great it felt when they would empty you and how easy it was. I had the opposite experience of course. I gave ALOT of formula and soy no less..which now I am dealing with his asthma and eczema both I believe came from the soy formula. Many, many times I wanted to stop, or at least have someone tell me to stop. That did not happen, everyone said to continue, I don't think anyone knew how much I hated it, but I felt like it was all over my face.
How did this person ever continue breastfeeding? Well, I have never thought anything in life was easy, I figured this was just another hardship of life, but more than that, this little beautiful baby LOVED IT! He loved breastfeeding :) He would sit there for hours cuddling and eating. He would play and laugh, he always wanted total silence while he ate and would always fall asleep while eating. So I continued.
When we reached three months things started to look brighter. He was stronger and would eat faster. I was coming out of my fog and started to enjoy the experience. I still had no idea what I was doing, but I did know that when I breastfed him, he was happy, and a happy baby makes a happy momma.
So when a mom tells me she doesn't think she can go on and its too hard, I think, wow she's only been doing this a few hours, I felt like that for three months! Does that make me a better person because I continued? No, I tend to be stubborn and giving up is not something I do easily. What it makes me is lucky. I am so grateful for my little man, who didn't like a pacifier or a bottle and who preferred to breastfeed. He made me a excellent LC who understands sore nipples, sleepless nights, self-doubt, and the appreciation of education on the subject.
So thank you to my son who made me the women I am today.
I Love You Forever and ever..

Enjoy your Maternity Leave from Day One!!

SO many times while I am working, I have new mothers, with 24hour old babies asking about pumping for work. I realize this may be their only chance to speak to a LC and they want to be prepared, but I fear that they never fully enjoy their short time away from work. I myself took 12 weeks off, I am half way through and could definitely take another 6 months off. Yesterday I was reminded that I have a job when I had to call in and figure out exactly when I was coming back. It was a little bothersome, but had to be done. So to all those new moms, enjoy every moment that you have when your home with your new little one. My new little girl is starting to smile at me and coo, she is bigger and going through her onsies pretty fast. We have seen as many movies as possible, and we just came back from a trip to the mountains. All of this we have enjoyed and breastfed through. The best part about being in the mountains is that we could sit outside on the deck of the Cabin we were in and breastfeed. Pumping I haven't been consistent on, but now that I am about 6 weeks away from going back to work, I am going to start being more diligent. My husband has enjoyed giving the baby a bottle of expressed milk when I go for my evening run. He felt that it was important for him to feed the baby as part of his bonding wtih her. As much as I didn't want to give that  up, she was already 5 weeks old, and again sooner than I would like she will be going to a baby sitter while I work. SO to all new moms who are concerned about work, chances are you are a good employee, other wise why would you worry, and your work will be patient wtih you and wait for you to come back with no issues. Most moms really don't have breastfeeding down until they are about to go back to work, which means it is very even more difficult to leave the home and go back to work. The moral of my story is, when preparing yourself for having your baby forget about work whether your taking four weeks or 12 weeks or half a year, cherish every day and every moment..and take pictures!!!

Breastfeeding in an Emergancy

Well as much as I don't want to admit it, I have to tell this story because it reminds me of so many other, more tragic situations. Today as I was on my way home from dropping my son and nephew off at Karate Camp, I ran out of gas!!!! I haven't ran out of gas in a very long time. But any time that I did I knew I was going to. This time I didn't even realize I was low on gas. I guess new mommy brain is a real condition, and probably has no cure other than sleep. So less than a quarter mile away from my house me and my little one were on the side of the road. Even at 9am in the summer heat it is not a good situation. So luckily I have AAA and my cell phone was charged so I called. So as I called AAA my little one started crying...she is not a fan of being in a car when its not moving. The very nice women on the other line assisted me in getting someone to the car. In her lovely southern accent she said "bless your heart" as she listened to me try to calm my baby. Something about "bless your heart" in a southern accent was very soothing to me. It made me wonder if AAA hired her because they knew her voice would be helpful to the people on the other line. So there in the back seat of my car I whipped out my "soother" :) I breastfed to help my baby calm down and give her a drink..after all it is summer in Arizona. After a small meal she fell asleep. I got out of the car and stood in the shade. A very nice Police Volunteer pulled over and checked on us. Also two nice women pulled over to make sure I was ok, one even had stopped at the store and brought me water bottles. Its amazing how wonderful people can be in bad situations. My little angel slept through the whole thing. I got some gas and then went to the gas station and filled up. I was fine and so was my little one.
My emergency was nothing compared to what the news forces me to watch every day. My son was a month old when Katrina hit New Orleans. I was home and watching every day, these people with out water or food or shelter. I remember Anderson Cooper standing next to a dead body and wondering..when are they going to help those people!! But the  thing I remember the most is a mom crying to the camera because she didn't have formula to feed her baby, which she was holding in her arms. That almost killed me. I cried and cried for that baby, and as I looked down at my little breast feeder I of course thought..why didn't she breastfeed!!
I know that people aren't always thinking, " I better breastfeed in case I am in a situation were my only choice is too breastfeed, like a hurricane or earthquake, or tornado.But shouldn't that be a little of how we approach it?
I know that its a very "lactivist" way of looking at the world, but today I thought I was making a quick ten minute run and it turned into an hour on the side of the road. Now of course this was my fault, but if I had been a bottle feeding mom, I would have not brought anything with me because I had just fed her before we left the house and would of figured she would be fine for 20min. Now of course I am not a bottle feeder and I'm sure that most carry a bottle around with them all the time, but I most likely wouldn't. Also again this was not as serious as a natural disaster were water is not always around.
At some point it would be nice for America to see Breastfeeding as the very convenient method of feeding that it is. Today it was defiantly very convenient and incredibly helpful.

Practice What I Preach....Pumping

New moms are always ready to pump. I can understand, your tired, your nipples hurt, the feeds are sometimes longer than a whole movie, it sounds much easier. But that's just a thought, not the truth. The truth is that pumping is much more work than breastfeeding. When I am discussing breastfeeding with a new mom I always use exercise as an analogy of breastfeeding. So if breastfeeding is a light walk around the block with the dog, pumping is a triathlon! The human body is not prepared to have a machine attached and "give " it milk. Its a lot of work for nothing. BUT, for many women, me included, its a necessity.
When I am away from my baby I want her to only drink breast milk, so I will need this pump. Since I am trying to be the best breast feeder ever, I am only allowing her to use a bottle when I am away from her. Some people will have you believe that you have to introduce a bottle early because otherwise they won't take it. I am going on the theory that if my little girl is hungry enough she will eat. So bottles only when I am away from her.
So this week I have started to pump. The real reason is because my husbands birthday is next week and I want to be able to have a nice adult dinner with him and not have to rush home to feed. So at five weeks old she will have her first bottle :/
So what I remember from my own pumping experience is that I really didn't like it, but luckily I was a stay at home mom and did not have to pump. This time is very different, but since I am a IBCLC a very nice Rep. from one of the big Pump makers has graciously allowed my to use their very best pump, in hopes that I recommended it to moms, or our hospital. So yesterday I started. I did a ten minute pump and had to give myself a internal "pumping consult".
I had to remember to not look at the pump..I was starting to wonder "were the milk was?" Typical first time pumper.
What I always tell moms...close your eyes, take deep breaths, the same kind you do in Yoga and relax! Also of course my favorite thing to tell moms..hand expression. Its always important to move the milk manually..the pump only pulls from the end, but milk is all over the breast.
So after ten long minutes I pumped out three ounces! I had to laugh a little at myself..I was a little disappointed I didn't pump out 10 ounces! Its our society we want everything bigger and better. I am sure my little one doesn't drink more than 2oz at a time, so the plan is to have three bottles with 2oz in them left for her. I am going to pump once a day if I can to start a small collection of milk. This is also something I recommend, no reason to go crazy with pumping early on. Their is plenty of time for that once you go back to work.
The biggest thing to remember about pumping, is that it is not breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is easy and the milk is always fresh. If you are a few days into breastfeeding and are starting to eyeball that pump, take a deep breath treat those sore nipples and stay away from the pump. You will appreciate breastfeeding more when you realize how it is really the easier way to feed the baby.
So lets see how this goes...I'll keep you updated

Breastfeeding through my sons eyes :)

I remember once I was at a conference...IBCLC conference, and a women who was not part of the conference saw a picture that ILCA had posted of a little girl pretending to breastfeed her doll. This picture that I had seen all week while walking into the conference never had made me think twice about it. Of course I grew up in a breastfeeding family and was now an IBCLC, but still it was obvious that this little girls mother was breastfeeding a sibling and she was trying to be like her mother. Little girls want to wear lipstick and high heels and everyone accepts that, because they are mimicking their moms, but for some reason this picture really upset this women. Well when she realized that she was saying how awful the picture was around a bunch of LC's, she said, "well I breastfed my kids". And in unison all the LC's said "how long?" It was clear that this women did not see breastfeeding as something natural and definitely not something you do in public. Why? well I would assume her up bringing, maybe when she was young she never witnessed a baby breastfeeding, or if someone was breastfeeding they probably left the room, shunned by who ever was around. Or maybe it was just her, she was not comfortable with the idea of people, especially children knowing about how a baby feeds from her mother.  Whatever the reason that always stuck with me.
So now that my son is around me while I am feeding my little one, I had wondered how he would react. Since day one, I didn't do any preparation for him. I hoped that he would see it as just a normal part of the day. He did..and does :) He comes over a kisses her head when she's eating, and tells her   " I hope you have a good meal". He doesn't ask me why she is eating from my breast or cringe or run into the other room, he accepts what I am doing and is completely comfortable with it.
Is it his personality? or is it how we raised him? I couldn't really tell you. All I can say is that when he grows up he will be his wives biggest supporter when she is breastfeeding. :)
I am an eternal optimist and of course I want all things in life to be positive. So in my optimistic mind I would hope that all moms, even the ones who don't breastfeed are able to explain breastfeeding as a normal and natural part of life to their children, because even if the mom does not breastfeed, it doesn't mean that her little girl will not breastfeed later in life, and it's important for her gown up self to be comfortable with it. Its hard enough to start breastfeed, and if your feel uncomfortable doing it around your own family, it makes it even harder.

Mom instincts trump the edjucated mind

Something we have been dealing with since day two ir three of my my sweet peas life is spitting up. As a LC I knew it was because she was gulping ALOT and I need to pace her feeds more. As a mother I started doubting myself and started going over what I was eating. My LC brain wanted to slap my mom brain.  How could I even think it was food?! I have sat in on lectures from the top breastfeeding experts explain how very little of what we eat affects breast milk. I know the rule ..less than one percent of what you ingest gets into the milk! But my little one is uncomfortable and gassy and spits up often. So why does my mom brain want to squash all the education I have and share on a daily basis with other mothers? Im sure its just the hormones that make me want to protect my baby and make sure she is happy and healthy, but I still feel like I am not doing everything I can for her. So how would a mom who is new to breastfeeding over come this? Well she would hopefully rely on a Lactation Consultant. I guess I forget that part of my job is just the ability to reassure mothers that what they are doing is correct and that some spitting up can be normal as long as the baby is pooping, peeing and gaining weight. And MY baby is doing that! ...remember 10oz in 7 days. Every mother wants to know if what they are doing is correct, even me. I have had Pediatricians ask me questions about their own breastfeeding issues so I shouldn't feel defeated that I have my own concerns. I guess it makes me human to want to be told.." your doing a good job, she's fine ..don't worry ". Thanks LC brain..i needed that.

Breastfeeding outside of MY comfort zone

My little sweet cakes is now two weeks old and so far we have breastfed out of the house in three very public areas. All three due to my 7 year old, who needs to get out of the house, and me trying to make all my children happy and take him out as often as possible. Just because I'm a Lactation Consultant doesn't mean I am completely comfortable breastfeeding in public. Each time I find myself getting nervous that someone will be able to tell what I'm doing, or that my breast is going to flop out for all too see. SO yesterdays adventure to a indoor play ground was probably the first time ALOT of people could tell what I was doing. I and my baby were completely covered, but I got the sense that everyone around us was very aware what I was doing. I don't think of myself as one of those moms who wants to prove anything about breastfeeding in public and that it is the norm and everyone should accept it, even though it is VERY normal and everyone SHOULD accept it. I understand that to most people in our society breasts are only sexual and to see too much of one may seem offensive. I know that aspect of breasts all too well.  I am a large chested women who has been trying to hide my breasts since I was 13years old. Even under clothes I always got too many looks from men and unhappy glances from women. It doesn't help that I tend to smile all the time and so I probably always look like I am inviting men to stare at me. As with most large chested women ( I assume) the opposite is true. But, I have lived in Arizona my whole life and so dressing in tank tops is almost required most of the year..and if you don't know...tank tops and large breasts tend to not show off modesty. However I am a Taurus and my stubbornness made me dress like everyone else, even though the shirts didn't always fit me properly. That same stubbornness is what has been getting me out of the house and breastfeeding, not all my knowledge on the subject, or how I refuse going to introduce a bottle until I absolutely have too. So Awkwardly trying to latch a baby inside my baby wrap is something I am doing because sitting at home all day every day is not a option for me. So please know that if you are embarrassed to breastfeed outside your house and you are opting for bottles or early pumping, or just not leaving the house at all, that I understand. I am still planning on buying a breastfeeding cover, and I know that we will get less awkward at our latching abilities under a cover, but the only way to get better is practice :) I do have to say that a nice mom and her little two year old were playing around me while I was feeding, and in Spanish he asked her were my baby was and in Spanish she told him that my baby was feeding from my breast to get milk. For some reason in Spanish is sounded very lovely, maybe because the two year old repeated it very matter of fact with no weird faces or concern. If everyone could look at breastfeeding like that two year old.